Florist News

Right then Alice, miss speak it like it is, hope you don't mind, I've taken the liberty of setting up a thread for you so you can help all us shrinking violet types stand up to our rude customers! Here's my starter for 10:

What do you say to the rude customer who wanders in on a Monday morning, scrutinises the flower stand then comments that it's not a good day for fresh flowers, when actually the flower stand is pretty full and that morning's delivery is very evident as you stand there conditioning it.

ooh like wise when my customers come in at 5.15pm on a friday and complain i have two lillies and 1 alstro left?? ( we closed weekends by the way)..... all advice (polite and clean) appreciated.

Serena, on that one I would give them a business card and point out our phone number and email address and invite them to pre order if they know they would like something specific ready for collection, but let's hear from Alice too please as they usually have some sarcastic retort to that sort of comment that also needs a clever put down!

i've actually tried that one and offering free sat delivery from our other shop..they still look at me like i have a bare faced cheek going home.So i'm ready to go down the sarcastic route!!!

Yeah add to that, a customer comes in when you've just had a delivery, the shop is full of flowers and they say "oh you don't have much"

Oh I'm so proud!!! My very own agony column. Ladies I will answer all your problems tomorrow, need a straight head on for those. If in doubt, answer to all is 'Oh F*** off'.

Dear Alice,

Had a really bad 'can't be arsed' day today. Didn't want to do flowers, didn't want to serve, (even if there had been customers!!) didn't want to paperwork, couldn't even be arsed to tell the stroppy old cow who complained we hadn't got the right shape vase for her M&S flowers to "sod off"!! Alice please help!

Very worried in Warwickshire

Rosa, this thread cheered me up so much last night. I seem to have poo finger at the moment. You know when sometimes everything you touch turns to s***! My mobile/lifelines broken and I accidently sent the memory card off to be incinerated yesterday, huge row with orange. The Loo in the shop has gone wrong and keeps flooding out back, wheres a plumber when you need one! The shop is quiet, I made a big cock up yesterday and to top it off I couldn't get online last night cos the home laptops playing up!

In answer to all your questions, just smile sweetly at the customer and say 'Yeeeees'. They ask a silly question they get a silly answer. This response seems to disarm them as it makes you look a little crazy and also cuts the conversation dead.

If you feel like being rude or sarcastic just tell them you keep all the good stuff out back. This really confuses them.

Now, if you are really brave you can try this one, doesn't actually solve anything but makes you feel better, say very quickly as they leave 'f*** you very much' with a smile of course. They'll never know you've just dissed them royally.

Hope this helps.

Thanks Alice! Love the last tip, priceless! Is the tone for the 'Yeeees' as in the mad hotelier bloke with flute thing off of Little Britain?

You just brightened my day too! I am on delivery duty today and have just looked at the clip and have got to travel the entire length and breadth of our massive delivery area, just having a quick fix on here before I set off, I may be some time....

We've just one delivery today, that's it. The phones are quiet, the shop is quiet, it's QUIETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.