Florist News

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the
> TV,
> and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
>
> She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
>
> When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna
> start."
>
> This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was
> gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
>
> "That's it!" She blows her top, "You b*stard! You waltz in here, flop your
> fat a*s down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around
> like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron
> all day long?"
>
> The husband sighed. "Oh sh*t, it's started"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, set up their tent,
> > and are asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful
> > friend.
> >
> > "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
> >
> > Tonto replies "Me see millions of stars."
> >
> > "What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger.
> >
> > Tonto ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that
> > there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
> > Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it
> > appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's
> > evidence the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.
> > Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What
> > it tell you Kemo Sabi?"
> >
> > The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks "Tonto you
> > dickhead, someone has stolen our tent."

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch, he asks the little old lady
"Why they don't eat the peanuts themselves."
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

It pays to be careful around old people.

PMSL



Cheered me up.