Florist News

Friendly old lady

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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

Denise

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A woman is rushed into hospital in labour with twins, sadly it turns out that she has a rare condition which causes her to slip into a coma when she feels extreme pain.

Six months later the woman wakes up in her hospital bed.

"Doctor!" She asks "What happened to the children?"

"Don't worry madam." He replied, "The children are fine, you have a strong yound lad and a beatiful baby girl. Your brother collected them, named them and is now looking after them."

"Oh no! My brother is an idiot" She cried. "What did he name them?"

"Well your daughter's name is Denise" The doctor informed her.

The woman breathed a sigh of relief before asking "What about my son?"

"Denephew" The doctor replied.

Ever wonder why...?

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Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Flat chested

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A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
"Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.
After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling,
"Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

Oh dear..

I have to be careful, because most of what I come across is a bit on the rude side.

I need to test the water a little before going too far.